You Know You’ve Been in Thailand to Long When…

I know right?  Two times in the same week…Could it really be?  Anyways, I was checking the blog this afternoon when I got home from work and it occurred to me that I should post a counterpart to the “You know your from Alabama when…” as I’ve not had the pleasure of residing there for nearly a decade.  Therefore, I poked around the internet and found MANY such lists related to foreigners living in Thailand.  So, I pieced together a list of those i found funny yet relevant to my life here and most, if not all, of these are also 100% true.  Sooooo, I thought I’d share yet another list with your reading pleasure and I hope you find it as comical as I did and do on a day to day basis here.  Also, if any questions occur to you while you are reading through the list then please feel free to post them.  I will be more than happy to do my best to elaborate!  Much love as always and will podcast over the weekend!

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You Know You’ve Been in Thailand to Long When…

1. You can go for weeks without toilet paper.

2. You don’t flinch when another car or taxi drives you down the wrong side of the street.

3. You decline to wear a motorbike helmet because it’ll mess up your hair.

4. You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a taxi or bus.

5. It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a staff meeting is what the group will be having for lunch immediately following the meeting.

6. Hearing “Mai Mii” (Don’t have) or “Mai Dai” (cannot) for the 500th time in a day doesn’t annoy you anymore.

7. You no longer wonder how a civil servant, who earns 400 USD per month drives a brand new Mercedes.

8. Curry is perfectly acceptable breakfast food as long as it has a fried egg on top.

9. Au Bon Pain or the Sizzler is a chic classy hang out serving good food.

10. A policeman stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for your wallet, and not to get your license.

11. You are not surprised when 3-4 men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb or change the filters in the air conditioner.

12. You instinctively know to look both ways twice before crossing a one-way street.

13. You wonder where the salt and chilli mix is for fresh fruit.

14. You’d rather SMS someone than actually meet and talk.

15. You are careful to cover your mouth when picking your teeth, but openly pick your nose at the dinner table.

16. You keep a roll of toilet paper on your dinner table, but not in the bathroom cause it doesn’t go in the toliet.

17. A hot pizza right out of the oven is smothered in ketchup and oregano and it looks just fine for dinner.

18. You know first hand that “Love You Long Time” is not a satirical quote from Full Metal Jacket, but an actual saying.

19. You know when people say they’re “going to bed” that they’ll actually be partying until 2AM and beyond in a cylindrical nightclub resembling a spaceship.

20. “Sexpats,” “Pirates,” “Yellow Fever” and “Rice Queens” are all in your vocabulary.

21. You can shame a group of prostitutes with one contemptuous stare.

22. You understand why drivers flash their 4 indicator lights when driving straight on at intersections.

23.  You just smile, shake your head and sigh when the waiter correctly repeats your order and yet the cook makes something completely different.

24. When shopping at a supermarket, you peak into another farang’s (Caucasian foreigner) cart and wonder to yourself what other farang’s eat.

25. You quietly mutter “farang” (Caucasian foreigner) to your Thai friend/partner when you see other foreigners in public.

26. You regularly fumble for five minutes to find a 10 baht coin despite 10 people waiting in line behind you to use the machine.

26. You know that dogs are animals best given a wide berth or avoided rather than attempt to pet.

27. Touts and Indian tailors ignore you when you walk past their shops.

28. Not only does it not bother you that a lady is cleaning the stall next to the one you are using, but you are not even startled when she begins to sweep/mop under the door of your stall.

29. You are adept at examining knock-off sunglasses and watches with a discriminating eye.

30. You can tell the difference between the “I-have-no-idea-what-you’re-talking-about” smile and one of genuine amusement.

T.I.T Episode 10: Rain, Rain go Away!

•    Welcome, finally episode 10
•    When it rains it pours
•    It’s football season at home….I miss it!
•    Fashion faux pas on the sky train again
•    Comments, emails, messages…
•    Special shout to my new listeners!
•    Andrea, Laura, and Weegie
•    Remembering 9/11
•    Homeland Security woes…
•    Muay Thai or Kick Boxing
•    Must see place in Bangkok?
•    I finally got to see Mama Mia…
•    Going to the movies in Thailand vs. the US
•    Look, look….a farang!!!!
•    Being on the other side of racism
•    Tom’s take on the protests in Bangkok
•    Quick summary of what’s going on politically
•    The Prime Minister was brought down for what???
•    My partner’s take on Thai politics
•    How I met my partner
•    The advantages of internet dating
•    Closing remarks and love

Email me at tomnthai@gmail.com or comment or you can even send me an mp3 if your feeling extra happy when you hear this episode!

Make sure to go check out my fellow podcasters at the Rainbowpodsquad and the Freak Network for some excellent entertainment.

For Direct Download: Right Click Here | The Freak Network | The RainbowPodSquad

Subscribe to Tom in Thailand in Itunes: Click here

The Stereotype of the Sexpat…

Good morning, afternoon, evening or night where or when ever this finds you in the world. It is just before 10 AM on a lazy overcast Sunday morning here in the Big Mango, and I thought I’d sit down and bang out another entry for your reading pleasure…or not as your tastes may be. Last night my partner and I departed from our usual routine and went out for a nice Saturday evening dinner. We visited a nice Thai restaurant called the River Bar for a nice meal. We drove across the impressive Rama 8 bridge/monument and had dinner on the Thonburi side of river. It was a very nice romantic dinner of baked fish, spring rolls, and sweet&sour pork. We don’t get to do those very often, unfortunately, due to my partner’s work schedule so it was a really nice thing for us to do together.

Anyways, I want to get to the topic in my head before it floats away into nothingness as things often do when they cross my mind. There is a ugly brush that is used to paint most foreigners living in Thailand that I’d like to address today with you. You see, there are a few assumptions or myths perpetuated by many if not most people ,both Thai and foreign, about us western men living here in Thailand:
1. The main motivation or factor for Western guys to move here to Thailand is sex and we only come here for the easy access to sex.
2. Western gay men are unable to be faithful and commit to monogamous caring relationships with only 1 partner.
3. Western gay men over certain age are only attracted to young dark skinned guys or girls.
4. Single western men have sex many times a week with random different partners for the purpose of one-night stands.
5. The sex industry in Thailand is caused by and used exclusively men from western countries.

So, firstly I for one did not move to Thailand for sexual reasons. I met my former Thai partner in the US while we were in school. We were together in the US for 7 years and I decided to give moving here a chance when the time came for him to move home. Also, I have another very close friend that moved here for a previously established relationship as well, and we have both agreed many times how these sort of racial stereotyping annoys us. To be perfectly honest, I really couldn’t even find Thailand on a map when i first met my partner, much less know about the sordid international reputation. Secondly, I know gay couples that have been together for decades and are just as happy being monogamous as some heterosexuals. The desire to step outside a relationship for sexual fulfillment is not limited to sexual orientation or race.

Thirdly, this idea in Thailand that all western men are attracted to very young dark skinned boys and girls is the biggest bunch of krap I think I’ve heard here. Everyone has different tastes in the world or else Baskin Robbins wouldn’t bother with 31 flavors. You don’t get to decide what your eyes find appealing so it is not fair to assume everyone of a certain age and race has the same tastes. Fourthly, I did not and have not ever engaged in a constant stream of one night stands on a weekly basis. This would apply here, home, or anywhere else in the world as my sex drive just isn’t high enough and perhaps I’m to picky. The randomness of meaningless one night stands has never appealed to me but I certainly wouldn’t throw stones when it comes to this point. To each his own, but my point is that it is just not me or my western friends.

Finally, I have heard many times over the years that the sex industry here in Thailand is perpetuated by the western male. This silly myth is easily dismissed by the presence of the massive structures used as “massage” parlors here in Bangkok around the ratchada area that cater almost exclusively to Thai clients. There is also a street called soi Thanaya here in Bangkok filled with “karaoke” bars that cater exclusively to Japanese clients seeking female short term companionship. However, I think westerners are more open when the frequent these type of establishments as it is not uncommon to see a westerner sitting in an open air bar with a “friend” on their arm for the evening. I think many Asian cultures are more private about such things, and thus the myth has been perpetuated that only westerners partake in such carnal activities.

I don’t know why I felt I needed to get that off my chest, but it is a conversation I’ve had with close friends very often. I wonder why it seems to be human nature to stereotype our fellow man? We are so quick to label one another as we pass in this world, but the world is a much more colorful place than we give it credit. There is a lot more depth of character out there passing you by, so next time you make an immediate assumption about someone I hope you pause to consider your thoughts again. Obviously, there are going to be those that fit your stereotype but not everyone wears the same size clothes, right? Anyways, I hope you enjoy your Sunday and will speak to you again very very soon. I’m thinking the next entry will be a video blog so make sure you stop by again soon!

More Songkran Madness…

Hello to you my wonderful readers. Well, I was finally able to find a good video to sum up the Songkran holiday after much anticipation on your part I’m sure. The opening goes on for a bit with some explanations, but trust me as it will give you some idea of the ‘festivities’ going on in every city across Thailand at the moment.  Take a little time if you have it and watch as you will understand why one cannot simply opt out of the merry making.  It is about 10:30 at night as i sit here writing for you guys and we’ve just returned home from dinner where I noted people ’still’ out and about randomly dunking bucket loads of water on every and anyone that happens by. I had said in an earlier post that the festivities were supposed to end at sundown, but it seems this year that this rule has been ignored. Also, I had said that the holiday is only supposed to last for 3 days, but the madness has been extended to 4 days since the first day of Songkran fell on a Sunday this year. I guess the politicians thought everyone needed an extra day of drunken soakings before returning to normal daily activities on Thursday. I would also like to note before I close this post that the official death toll due to alcohol related accidents thus far has reached 180 and 1,103 traffic related injuries with only 2 days and 2 more left to go. I dare say for these unfortunate people affected by the holiday related tragedies thus far the ‘fun’ of it all is well behind them.

Murder in Paradise…

I read through some of my favorite blogs tonight, and surfed through the various message boards I enjoy to try and muster some idea to share with you guys.  I came across this news story on a message board I frequently read, so I want to start my entry today with a quote from an article that recently appeared in one of the big English language newspapers here in Thailand.  Brace yourself and read it slowly, then I’ll give you a bit of background following to catch you up to speed regarding this sad story.

Choochart played down the recent killings, saying, “I believe security in Thailand is better than in many other countries.” He also said that some of the attacks were occasioned by the behavior of the women themselves. Under a front-page photograph of a Western woman in a skimpy bikini, The Bangkok Post quoted Choochart as saying, “They tend to choose a quiet spot away from other people, take off the bikini and sunbathe. That’s when the attackers strike.”

Yes…you read that correctly.  This was a quote from a very high ranking officer of the Thai National Tourist Police regarding the brutal murder of a young Swedish tourist in the southern resort island town of Phuket recently.  The young lady was attacked and murdered on a public beach in southern Thailand.  The media here has bowed to pressure from the government to downplay this attempted rape and murder to counter warnings that embassies have issued to their citizens considering or traveling in Thailand.  I’m just going to have to say that the officer’s response to the horrible crime is sadly quite typical of the level of service one can expect from the boys in brown here.  I think that to blame the victim is appalling and sadly this is not the first crime of this sort that i’ve seen float through the news relatively recently.  Worse still, the murderer was caught, or I think actually turned himself in and his reason for killing this young lady was simply because she resisted the attempted rape.  That was directly from the mouth of the murderer.

Shocking isn’t it?  I mean, I never really thought much of the police, even at home, as it is a job i think bullies grow up to hold.  However, If a crime is committed or you find yourself being the victim of one, then the police are the first people you call, right?  I can honestly say that growing up I didn’t always like them, but I did respect them.  Would you ever even dare to slip a cop a bribe tucked into a piece of paper, while being pulled over for a traffic violation?  Would you ever expect to see a cop saunter into a business looking for a little “protection” money?  Sadly, these sort of things are so common here that no one ever bats an eye.

I remember walking down the street a while back with a close friend, as I needed to visit a suit shop to be measured for a suit.  We decided to have a cigarette as we walked down the sidewalk and passed a little police box on our way.  In passing the police box, my blood immediately began to run cold.  I had heard stories of cops on this particular stretch of sidewalk eliciting tea money from foreigners, and my anxiety levels shot up immediately.  Sure enough a little ways down I turned to see the cop crouched down peering at us from the edge of a building, like a gremlin waiting for sparrow to happen by.  Luckily, we ducked in the shop and disposed of the ciggies before the cop was any wiser.  It is just a sad state of affairs, and one wonders why most Thais barricade themselves behind high walls with broken glass along the top to protect their homes.  Who can we trust here to take care of us when things get bad?  Just my 2 cents I guess.  What do you think?

How’s Your Chinese???

So sorry that I haven’t had a chance to post in a while, but quite frankly haven’t been in the mood at all.  I’ve been through a pretty rough time at work, and I’ve been pretty down about it for the past week.  Soooooo….Wasn’t feeling creative at all and want to only give my readers my best.  I’m pretty sure I’ve said it before, but not going to go into work stuff here cause i want this to be a creative outlet as opposed to vent for my professional frustrations.  So??  How is your Chinese?  Unless you live under a rock, (and I know some places in the States qualify) you should know that today is Chinese New Year.  The Chinese calendar is based on lunar cycles as opposed to the solar calendar we follow in western countries.  Therefore, the date they celebrate can change year to year according to the lunar cycles of the given year.  Bangkok has been decked out in red for the past few weeks leading up to today, and I must admit i find the red lanterns beautiful.  Fireworks cracked and boomed across the city yesterday.  Thailand has a significant Chinese Thai population like other south east Asian countries and these people generally make up the ruling class.  The Chinese Thai are usually the business owners, government officials, movie/television personalities and high society types.   Yesterday morning I passed through what seemed like a constant aromatic haze of incense hovering over elaborate offerings of food to ancestors in front every other shop house on my way to work.  We even had a Chinese Dragon dance troop come to the school the other day to put on a performance for the kids.  More incense drifted through the air across the school accompanied by the rhythm of loud beating drums, performers, and a dragon dancing to give gifts of lucky oranges.  It made for quite an experience in honor of the ever increasing importance of this holiday.  But…How’s your Chinese?  Now i know some of you might be thinking, “Why do i care?”  Well, China is quickly becoming or is already an economic force to be reckoned with in this century.  They are working very hard to sheer up and strengthen their infrastructure to support their booming industry sector.  How does that affect you?  Next time your in Target or Wal-mart, turn over the piece of merchandise your looking at and see where it was made?  Getting the picture?  Furthermore, China is the 4th largest country in the world but more importantly is their population size.  Their are between 1.3 an 1.5 billion Chinese working hard to make their country strong and competitive, giving their country the highest population size on the planet.  Think about that and how that could affect the face of global politics in our lifetime.  Finally, I read an article in one of the Bangkok Newspapers recently about China.  Did you know that Chinese has already been made the official language of organizations such as the World Health Organization, World Bank, UNESCO, and there is a proposal just passed recently to do so with the World Tourism Organization.  My own uncle relatively recently traveled to China to tour factories for his company.  I remember talking to him about how just one visit changed his perspective on things and how so many Americans take the lives they now lead for granted.  So if you don’t think this doesn’t affect you then you might be in for a big surprise in the not so distant future.   So, have an orange for good luck and go out and try some Dim Sum.  In the spirit of prosperity and good fortune I want to wish all my friends and family a very very Happy Chinese New Year.  Until next time….take care!  

Happy Australia Day!!!

Oi! Oi! Oi!…..Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Have you ever heard someone shout that before? If so then you’ve obviously had the pleasure of an Australian’s company or perhaps even visited the “Land Down Under.” Today is Australia National Day and in honor of their country’s national holiday I thought i would write and reflect on the time I got to spend there a few years ago. It was just before Christmas in December of 2004 that was given the opportunity to board a plane late one evening in Bangkok bound for the lovely country of Australia. My best friend here in Thailand is from Melbourne, Australia and so in 2004 he invited me to fly home with him to visit his friends and family for the Christmas holidays. We flew first to the city of Brisbane and spent a few days there first to visit with another Australian friend living there. The weather was cool and it had been several years since i’d had the chance to smell the fresh air such as they have in the northern Australia state of Queensland. The first day there we set out to the butcher shop and bought a large amount of fresh cut steaks and seafood. Then the first night there I was treated to a warm welcome to Australia BBQ dinner at our friend’s home. We grilled out and sat around the pool sipping uncountable cans of Victoria bitter beer. It was such a special evening and though I hadn’t consumed that much red meat in years, it was a memorable night. We drove up and visited the famous Gold Coast with its long stretches of beautiful beaches, and managed a trip to the casino while we were there as well.

We then flew to Melbourne the day before Christmas Eve i think, and I wasn’t expecting to be as warm as I was getting off the plane. I was a tad worried at first as we stayed in the home of my friend’s Ex and discovered there was no air conditioner once we arrived. However, one of those famous Melbourne cold snaps came that night and i was laying in the bed shivering by the time the next morning arrives. The city of Melbourne was truly a beautiful city to visit and explore. It has a kind of San Francisco feel to it, as their are rolling hills throughout the city. The second day there we had to visit Liagon Street for one of the most delicious Lattes I’ve ever had in my life. I also got to experience a trip down to Philip Island, where we went to view the march of the penguins as they came in from their day at sea. It was a good experience, but i’ve honestly never been so very cold in my life…but at least the penguins were comfortable.

Another reason this trip is so very memorable is that when we woke up the morning of Boxing Day (the day after Christmas) we were shocked by some tragic news. It was December 26 in 2004. It was quite scary for us to hear that our adopted home of Thailand had been affected by this terrible natural disaster, so we quickly tried to get on the phone and internet to get in contact with our friends and loved ones in Thailand and beyond. My mother had emailed me about 4 times on that day, as my family wasn’t sure if I had been affected or not. I manged to contact my friends in Thailand and no one close to me was lost, but the memory of the tragedy stayed even till now.

However, I was treated so warmly by those spent time with and met in Australia and will carry the memory of the first of hopefully more trips down under for a life time. So i dedicate this entry to my dearest friend in the world. Thanks for always being there, all the drinks, and for introducing me to Kath and Kim! I want to wish all my Australian friends i have had the chance to know a very very happy Australia Day no matter where in the world your travels have taken you!